Here's something you may not know about me: I love turtles. As a teacher, I have 2 in my classroom (and one "free range" turtle- don't ask), and they are just the best. The kids love them and learn a lot (about science and also general life skills) just by being about them, and also they are great company for me and keep me super chilled.
And so I'm here to tell you that in the 2 weeks since my migraine post, I have done a good job of taking care of
myself. I am spending a lot less time at work. It feels great to experience this, because not only a.) do I feel so much more relaxed and enjoy the space in my life, but b.) I really believed in myself and knew that I could do it if I put my mind to it.
So yay for free time!
Next order of business: fill the free
time with things I enjoy other than naps and hot baths. Things I love like yoga and painting and boxing. Everything in moderation, and slow and steady wins the race. So yay turtles!
I'm reading the most amazing book right now- one of those books that I force myself to put down because I love to have a new page to read every so often. Just had to share a quote with you (and a video to boot)! These words ring so true to me.
"When you believe without knowing you believe that you are damaged at your core, you also believe that you need to hide that damage for anyone to love you. You walk around ashamed of being yourself. You try hard to make up for the way you look, walk, feel. Decisions are agonizing because if you, the person who makes the decision, is damaged, then how can you trust what you decide? You doubt your own impulses so you become masterful at looking outside yourself for comfort. You become an expert at finding experts and programs, at striving and trying hard and then harder to change yourself, but this process only reaffirms what you already believe about yourself- that your needs and choices cannot be trusted, and left to your own devices you are out of control...
You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. But you won't discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself. The Sufi poet Rumi, writing about birds learning to fly, wrote: "How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they're given wings." -Geneen Roth, Women, Food and God
"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness." - Eckhart Tolle
I have this quote posted in my room, and I stared at it a lot this weekend. Over the last 3 days as I've laid in bed, it's been like a neon sign to me, forcing me to think about what I'm doing with myself right now.
This is day 9 of this particular migraine. When I write that, I have to think about that quote. It's been so long since I've had a migraine for more than a couple of days, I have to take
responsibility for this. I'm obviously doing something wrong.
I'm taking on too much stress. I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not letting myself rest when I'm sick or when I'm tired. My goal is to be connected to the Source every minute of every day, but it's been weeks since I've felt that way even for a second.
But I'm learning. I'm doing better today than I was yesterday.
And I'm alive. So there's still another chance, right?