Monday, October 02, 2006

10 Things I hate about... well, everything

At first glance it might seem like a negative title, but in reality, let's face it, shit happens. I try not to use too much profanity on this site, but I think today calls for it.

I've been busy. Busy, actually, is an understatement, and I know that a lot of that business comes from me just having something else to think about besides cancer for a change. The whole time I was doing chemo I asked myself how much it really sucked and how other people went through the same treatment so much more gracefully. Was I faking it? The answer, now, looking back, was no, I wasn't faking it. I was just on a lot of drugs and under a lot of influences and didn't feel like myself.

Now I wonder why I'm so lucky. I have all these wonderful people around me that have gone through the same thing, and now they're not okay. Now they're dealing with more stuff, and getting more treatment, and having more tumors removed.

And it's just not fair.

And I guess, of course, no one ever said it would be... but I'm having a tough time thinking this is okay, when it's really not. I'm really pretty pissed that this could be happening to my friends- to people who have been positive and wonderful for me, and who deserve so much better.

That's really all I know how to say right now...

I don't even think retail therapy is going to help this one.

-MM

3 comments:

Kim(AL) said...

Lori...I think you have been the essence of grace throughout this entire experience. It took a lot of your time and energy to keep your site going with such humor. Guilt attacks are hard to deal with, but we must use our blessings so that we can stay strong for each other. It is our place now.
I like now.
Love, Kim

Sarah said...

lori,

it does suck, and you are lucky. and i'm lucky too. i have lots of support and love and somehow i feel guided thru all this because even though it really really sucks, it is not killing my spirit and it is not making me go insane. people go thru this shit all the time, and way worse than me. i guess we just always compare ourselves to others who have it worse, and when you do that you remember how lucky you are. you are doing that now with me, but i do that with others. it could be so much worse. i really do feel lucky... and happy.

i'm really ok.

thanks for the offer of your place. i am going to stick to buffalo though just because it is so close to home and parents will be coming. i doubt MDA gives IL-2 any differently, and that's all i'm going for. let's hope to god it works!!!!!!!
i'm so glad you are keeping busy and enjoying life! i don't blame you for not checking in for a while, when i was feeling good i stayed away from mpip for months... just wanted to forget it all. i totally get that!
take care my texan buddy
sarah

Anonymous said...

I iam sorry Lori - I would love to help you , but I guess I would have to answer the phone for that. I love you - and it's not us that makes the plans for our lives.
mandy

i2y

I'm Too Young For This!