Friday, November 27, 2009

No Looking Back

I have thought for some time why I am thankful for this blog, and here is what I've come up with:
a. There are tons of people on here that I've never even met that (-call me crazy, but it's true-) seem like family sometimes. I have so much support here that I can't imagine my cancer journey, or my recovery, or living with the statistics of this disease sometimes looming over me, without it.
b. It is an always-available outlet for me.
c. It is a record of everything that's happened.
d. It is always morphing and changing into what I am morphing and changing into.

That being said, here is today's ultra corny but uber true affirmation. Yes, that right, I said affirmation. Here we go:

You are wondering why you are not doing the things you need to do and the reason is: (wait for it...) you are tired. You need a break. I know that you think that there is no time for a break, but if you want to take any action at all, then give your body the time and the rest it needs. When it is ready to bounce back, it will. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and exactly who you are supposed to be at this moment. Love yourself because you deserve to be loved.


P.s.- I can't believe I just cheesed out like that. But it felt good!

Monday, November 23, 2009

My new blog!

If you have any interest in cooking, check out my new blog. The funny thing is, I'm really a famously terrible cook!


Sunday, November 22, 2009

If this was an education blog....

... I'd be writing about my job. I've spent a lot of my day today thinking about my kids. And my teaching this year. This has definitely been the most difficult group of 5th graders I've ever taught. Don't get me wrong- I love them. Like a lot. But they are VERY challenging group. I've never had so much trouble getting the content through to kids before, or had kids that had so little motivation. It's like this group would rather do anything than learn. Seriously. They ask to play Bingo every single day. Seriously.

So I've been evaluating what to change. One thing I'd definitely like to do more of would be teach in small group, so I can get to know my kids' needs more intimately and teach more effectively. But, the truth is, I don't know HOW to teach in small group. I do best in whole group instruction, but that is very obviously not working this year, so I guess, in other words, this kids are forcing me into new directions. Translation: I'm growing.

I'm reading a book right now called Spaces & Places and it's asking me: What is the one thing I want to do every single day in my classroom? Without much hesitation, I know what it is: to connect, on an academic level, with every kid. See the aha moment. Make them love learning. Make them feel capable, genius, fearless. No, I can't do that, but I can definitely get closer than I am now.

So, yeah. The life of a school-teacher. I am so cool researching and writing about my job on a Sunday evening. Alas, I still feel blessed. :)


P.s. Sorry for 2 things: a. not proof-reading this enough (which, in reality, is one of the major reasons that I don't post more) and b. the teacher-blog post. But sometimes you just gotta get it out there, you know?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Oh Happy Day

I'm 35 tomorrow.

I don't know really what to say besides that- because just being 35 is going to make me happier than you can ever imagine. Five short years ago, I was only given a 50% chance of living this long.

I can't tell you how happy I am that I made it. I am ecstatic. I can't tell you how good my life is. I can't express that there is nothing that I wish for in my life, because I think I have it all: great friends, wonderful family, amazing co-workers, an incredible home and a family that I look forward to seeing every day, a job that I (almost always) love. I feel like I'm closer to understanding spirituality and what my higher power wants for me than I ever have been in my life. I have fun almost every day, have the opportunity to play and remember what it's like to be a kid. I have made tremendous, horrific and wonderful mistakes that I can now see in the same light: love. I have finally learned to love and listen to my body. I am learning to feed it what it really wants. I have found friends to stick by me to the end. I have found friends whom I can share in their cancer journey and who want to share in mine. I have things I like to do and workouts that are fun and keep my mind off of things I need to keep my mind off of. I have the closest thing to a spouse that anyone who doesn't believe in institutional marriage can have. I have enough money to pay my bills and keep me in good supply of mostly-vegetarian food, as well as a cool house over my head. I know how to feel connected. I'm learning to say "no" to people and to set limits, to keep toxic people and conversations to a minimum, and to find my own way towards a more peaceful world and a higher consciousness. I am learning balance.

I am set.

I have always been set. I will always be set.

And I'm 35. Yay!

-Miss Melanoma


I'm Too Young For This!