Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Would you be my friend...

... if my hair looked like this?

I walked Bear today at dusk, and it was the most amazing sunset I've seen in some time. It was the kind of evening that makes you think everything will be alright.

There is so much going on today, but I feel for some reason like everything is going to be okay. And it will, won't it? Isn't there some saying that everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end. I believe so.

Just trust me on this one- look for the good things that you have today. You have a good friend, you have a roof over your head, or you have been comforted in the fact that you're not alone. Or maybe best of all, you have figured out that you don't need another thing in the world.

I have all of those things to be thankful for today, and so much more.

Just take this for example: this month will be the 4th anniversary of my melanoma diagnosis. I can't even tell you the number of times I thought I'd never make it this far, and yet I have. I have a certain sense of destiny now, a feeling that everything happens (and happened) for a reason. Even the loss of so many friends, even the sadness, even the chronic pain I live with every day. All I can say is it woke me up from what I thought was a fulfilled life.

I feel like I will look back at these days as the happiest in my life, as a time I felt like I had it all figured out. Want to know what the secret is? Knowing that you'll never figure it out. I'm learning to embrace that. Relish it. Revel in it.

Would I be here without melanoma? Who knows, but at this point I don't even care. Today is all that I care about is today, and today is wonderful.
I never flippin' thought I would say that!



emily said...

Well said! I'm new to your blog, but have been reading alot. You are a strong woman. :)


Snobby Bobby said...

Wow! Just, wow! You're an inspiration to me my love!!

Kelly Kane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly Kane said...

Without our cancers we wouldn't know each other :) 4 years! Congrats! I'm almost hitting the 2 year mark of finishing chemo, oh how time flys and hair grows!


Lance said...

Congrats!! I have learned to be thankful through a friend and reading your posts. I think that is one of the reasons I started running, because I can.

Kairol Rosenthal said...

Amen to the realization that we'll never figure it out. I agree.

As a young adult cancer patient sometimes I feel like people look at me for answers, like cancer made me the Buddah. Nope. My mantra is Everything Changes. That means just when I think I've figured it out - the landscape shifts.

Frustrating? Maybe - but also a wonderful relief that I'll never attain perfection, don't have to have all the answers figured out. Kind of relaxing, no?

Hope you are well,

Bob B. said...

Congratulations on your 4th re-birthday! I have just passed my 1st and it has changed my whole life, mostly for the better. "Now" is the only time we have. It has been hard work learning NOT to live too much in the past or the future.

Hang in there! I hope to be here again same time next year.

Carver said...

This was a beautiful post Lori! Our anniversaries are close together. I was 4 years NED in March! I am glad to have met you through this shitty cancer. That as Martha Stewart would say is a good thing even if melanoma sucks.

Rick Possert Jr. said...

Simply beautiful. So true and heartfelt. Glad to see you truly get it dear. It's easy to see how you can be inspirational to me and so many others. Hugs! Prayers!

Anonymous said...

My husband and I spent a whole afternoon a few weeks ago reading through your blog after a doctor dropped the M bomb on us. We called it research. are absolutely pee my pants, grandma slappin, snortin beverage of choice hilarious! Thank you for putting fingers to keyboard as it were, and journaling your inspired me! Drop by and pay me a visit, and please...for the sake of those with a sense of humor not stop writing! Blessings!<><

l'optimiste said...

ah, if my hair looked like this? that cracked me up! I like your style babe. My hair is a nightmare after chemo! heh heh - and I have got to the point where I don't care - good for me eh?

and I feel like I have worked it out too, since the cancer battered my life...odd isn't it?
How you find a way to cope with something that would seem completely 'uncopeable' with BC...

just off to read more of yor blog!

BaldyLocks said...

What a beautiful way for me to wake up today, reading your post. Yes. I think this will be the best day yet.


I'm Too Young For This!