Sunday, March 27, 2011

Ups and downs

I remember when my weeks were filled with a different doctor's appointment every day, when my job was to do my treatment and to be at the right waiting room at the right time.  I remember the hours of sitting and thinking, too drugged to read or follow a tv show, too tired to care how the 30 minute fiasco ended.  I remember thinking how lucky I'd been just to be able to walk around at one point in my life NOT attached to an i.v. pole, and how mad I was at myself that I had not appreciated it.  
I remember the exhaustion of just making the decision to get out of bed that day, the shooting pain in my heels as I walked to the bathroom each morning.  I remember the nausea and the fatigue and the hell I thought I'd never get through.  I remember a year of treatment turning into 3 years of recovery.

Five years later, I have a job that I (mostly) love, where I spend way too much time.  I work out almost every day again, have hobbies, stay too busy, paint, read, travel, see my friends often, and have cocktails over lots of laughs.  Daily, I am finding myself doing things I used to miss doing- running, dancing, shopping, playing, wearing awesome clothes, and going out with friends.

And so to see my friends with my same disease go through hell, retreat back to a life of endless scripts and pharmacies, tests, phone calls, exams and treatments, decisions about chemo and surgery and radiation and clinical trials- it's sometimes too much to have to process.

And so I dedicate this to my peeps still going through it all and those that I don't even know who are fighting the same battle, too.  I lift you up with waves of peaceful thoughts.  I send healing vibes your way.

And I cherish my seconds, my minutes, and my days of freedom in honor of you.



B said...

Amen to that!

B. said...

I loved this post, and thank you!



Snobby Bobby said...

An awesome post baby, I love you!

Margie said...

I have chosen you for The Versatile Blogger Award. Here is a link that explains why I think your story is a special one!

Dale said...


I came here this morning to ask you if I could 'Officially' add you to my Blogroll at my new site Cancer… And Other Stuff Called 'Life'


It's still a 'work in progress' well, yeah. But is moving along.

What do I see when I get here? This post. You do have a way with words. Yeah, I can remember all that stuff and then finding that they really couldn't do anything for me and turned me loose.

All they could do was a Trial (from Heck!) and follow me for as long as they could. I dropped, no more experimenting on me.

It's always good to read your stuff. Some sad, some not. I like (and appreciate) it all.

Edit what you need to edit on my post or delete as you as you deem necessary. Contact me at droid754 at gmail dot com



faye said...


Anonymous said...

My 25 year old son had 7 lymph nodes removed yesterday for biopsy. Will find out next Wed if the melanoma has mestasized. Please keep in your prayers.


I'm Too Young For This!