Friday, April 27, 2007

Jack Sparrow is my co-pirate

I really have tried to blog the last few days, but I think I needed the time to process things. I'm here now, though with an update. I haven't even had a glass of wine, which is a good thing because I'm on my lunch break. Sacrificing good sandwich time for the betterment of bandwidth everywhere. Or something like that.

I saw the surgeon a few days ago. He is a young guy, but I have to say that despite his youth, he immediately impressed Bobby and me and he took all the time I needed (another Parkland no-no) to answer questions. He pulled out the Grant's Anatomy book to show Bobby and I where exactly this iliac node is, how close it is to the bowels and the aorta and such, and told us what kind of surgery this would be - "not one requiring a lot of finesse," as he put it, but a surgery that would require 3-5 days in the hospital and be very hard on my body, as I'm sure most surgeries are. "A questionable surgery when you consider the level of morbidity associated with it," I think he said. Essentially, he wants to confer with the radiologist and make sure this node can be totally and utterly fried crisp before we make a decision, but if it can be, then we'll take that route. The surgery, yes, would give us a chance to actually dissect the node, but, on the other hand, my leg is swollen enough already, and I'd like to lead as normal a life as possible (analap, for your acronym people out there). With consideration as to how the lymphadema would increase, he said that by removing this node and even just minimal lymph material surround it, he suspects my leg will double in size. So, let's just hope that we find out the radiation can be targeted and strong so that surgery is a definite out.

As far as emotionally, I don't really know what to say. I COULD say a lot of words, but none of them would make my mom proud, and just in case she reads this blog, I think I should hold off. I left the hospital yesterday saying, "I just want to be left alone," as in, I just want cancer to go away and never come back so I can have a normal life. But this isn't normal life, anymore, as I've been reminded. This is "The New Normal." So, I'm trying to just deal with that. In a way, I don't know why I'm so broken up about all this.

Uggh. None of this makes sense. Hopefully the next installment will. I'm gonna watch RENT now. That always helps. :)

-MM

7 comments:

Snobby Bobby said...

Monkey Monkey, I thought it was "The New AB-normal".??

Either way, you're the meaning in my life you're my inspiration and you are the wind beneath my wings and sus-sus-ssudio.

I love ya!!

Carver said...

Hi Lori,

I hope watching Rent helped. That movie turned me into a blubbering mess. I saw Rent with my daughter who had seen it on broadway some years back and wanted to see the movie version. I hadn't seen the show so it was new to me and for some reason I cried through the whole thing but what I could see through the waterfall was great.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I think it's completely understandable that you needed time to process it. I think you are handling a lousy situation quite well. All you can do is go to these doctors and make the decision that works best for you. I am glad you have doctors that answer your questions because that's important. Perhap you could also talk to the radiation doctor yourself and see what he or she says.

As ever, Carver

Kim (AL) said...

Stupid iliac node! I hope it can be nuked to oblivion...
I know what you mean about just wanting it all to go away. Really.
Can I just say all of those words for you? I know your mom is proud, no matter. We all are.
Love, K.

Shannon said...

Lori~
I know exactly what you mean about wanting it all to just go away...But as others have mentioned, you are a tough chick, and seem to be handling this all very well.
When I first found out my melanoma had gotten up to that iliac chain, I FREAKED. I mean, literally turned into a basket case, since that basin is in the body...no longer in the leg only...
Hoping SOO so hard for you that this little sucker can be blasted and nuked into oblivion; wishing you didn't have to face more surgery.
My surgeon warned me about the double risk of lymphedema with that deeper basin being messed with too...and my leg does swell more, but only a little bit more. I just baby it even more. Okay, I lied...Sometimes I am just downright LAAAA-ZY, just to prop it up ;)
Anyway, sorry for the long comment. Sending you LOTS of good wishes, and hoping hard that this is the last time melanoma shows its ugly ol' head with you!!

Shannon

mlittle said...

Oh Miss Melly,

I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this. You must be on an emotional rollercoaster. So many things to think about, decisions to make.

I hope they are able to obliterate stinkin' ole mel once and for all.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Melissa

Andrea said...

I hate that you are going through this! You are in my thoughts nd I am hoping with all my heart that this node is nuked asap without affecting your leg. ((hugs))

Wallace & Grommette said...

You have my thoughts, prayers and a BIG hug coming your way....Hang TOUGH! I hope they can fry that node and be done so you don't log more hospital time. Tell MEL it can't have any more nodes, you need them for running! I'll be running for you tonight! Keep fighting and Living STRONG!

i2y

I'm Too Young For This!