I really have tried to blog the last few days, but I think I needed the time to process things. I'm here now, though with an update. I haven't even had a glass of wine, which is a good thing because I'm on my lunch break. Sacrificing good sandwich time for the betterment of bandwidth everywhere. Or something like that.
I saw the surgeon a few days ago. He is a young guy, but I have to say that despite his youth, he immediately impressed Bobby and me and he took all the time I needed (another Parkland no-no) to answer questions. He pulled out the Grant's Anatomy book to show Bobby and I where exactly this iliac node is, how close it is to the bowels and the aorta and such, and told us what kind of surgery this would be - "not one requiring a lot of finesse," as he put it, but a surgery that would require 3-5 days in the hospital and be very hard on my body, as I'm sure most surgeries are. "A questionable surgery when you consider the level of morbidity associated with it," I think he said. Essentially, he wants to confer with the radiologist and make sure this node can be totally and utterly fried crisp before we make a decision, but if it can be, then we'll take that route. The surgery, yes, would give us a chance to actually dissect the node, but, on the other hand, my leg is swollen enough already, and I'd like to lead as normal a life as possible (analap, for your acronym people out there). With consideration as to how the lymphadema would increase, he said that by removing this node and even just minimal lymph material surround it, he suspects my leg will double in size. So, let's just hope that we find out the radiation can be targeted and strong so that surgery is a definite out.
As far as emotionally, I don't really know what to say. I COULD say a lot of words, but none of them would make my mom proud, and just in case she reads this blog, I think I should hold off. I left the hospital yesterday saying, "I just want to be left alone," as in, I just want cancer to go away and never come back so I can have a normal life. But this isn't normal life, anymore, as I've been reminded. This is "The New Normal." So, I'm trying to just deal with that. In a way, I don't know why I'm so broken up about all this.
Uggh. None of this makes sense. Hopefully the next installment will. I'm gonna watch RENT now. That always helps. :)