Monday, October 20, 2008

Doing Better

I guess the news is that I'm doing better. I had lots of good folks writing and calling me to check in and I appreciate all the concern. It's always encouraging to see how much you're thought of. I feel very loved.

I wish that I could say everything I've been going through is a big misunderstanding but the truth is I've taken a long, hard look at myself and realized that a few too many things I thought I was doing right were in fact very wrong. It's strange when things feel like they are so right and then one day you suddenly find that no matter how right they feel, they just plain aren't. I realize also that it seems I'm talking in riddles here but you just have to go with me on this one.
It's a very humbling experience to say the least. I have been doing things a certain way for many years now and it is a big change for me to suddenly face a different direction and do things totally different. I am working through it and can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a very tiny light and a long, long tunnel. But a light, nonetheless.

It's also come to my attention that things I thought I got over years ago, things that I have worked through and found my footing on began to creep back up in my life. I am told that being very ill and vulnerable and weak can cause you to relapse like this. I never thought that would be possible because I spent so much time correcting these things years ago. But issues from a long time past are in my face once again, and I can only pray that this time they will be easier to conquer.
I guess that's it for now. Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers and I promise to check in again soon.

-MM

7 comments:

Kelly Kane said...

I'm glad you're feeling better and that's for the riddles :) I hope things work themselves out and that you feel as fabulous as you are soon. It's a total rebuilding process, I think we all think that after cancer life will be easy breezy, but really it's sometimes even more daunting. Things gotta go up soon!

XO

Carver said...

Hi Lori, Good to hear you are doing better. You are as ever in my thoughts, Carver

faye said...

I used to think issues were like peeling an onion, and when you're done, you're done and you live happily ever after. I haven't figured out what it IS, but now I know it's not like an onion.

It's good to hear from you, though.

Tara said...

Hey little lady,
I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, but never forget that you're entitled to feeling "blue" every now and then...Melanoma sucks!
You're a true inspiration and I can't even begin to tell you how much I admire and respect you.

Hang in there!

Wendy S. Harpham, MD said...

Dear Lori,
I'm sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch, but glad to hear that you have support and guidance for getting through.
Cancer, for many, has a way of helping them "clean out the garbage" in their lives, leaving them happier ever after. Of course, the garbage-cleaning process that gets them to that better place is arduous and painful.
I hope you can take comfort in knowing that working through the thoughts and emotions can help you forever after.
And just a reminder of somethign I'm sure you already know: Depression is a medical problem, just like heart disease or the flu. It is the result of chemical reactions in various parts of the brain that result in the thoughts, feelings and somatic sensations we call "depression." Proper diagnosis and treatment, be it medications and/or psychotherapy, are needed to get you well as quickly and smoothly as possible.
With hope (real hope!), Wendy

Summerbead said...

I'm glad that you are feeling much better, I too am sorry that you have been dealing with "bouts" of uneven days. Hey, like I said in my post today ~ we are all allowed to have our days! I hope that you will soon be moving into a greater part of your life. Find your happiness to help you survive! I can't say enough... what it now feels like, for me... knowing that I am finally making the necessary changes in my life ~ for my happiness. Today was the first day that I came back from the hospital and didn't get the mad feelings of depression like before ~ I am happy and excited, finally, for once, for me. Learn to make your dreams come true. Honestly, it's not selfish at this point and time in your life. Live your life ~ for yourself. I truly wish you the best. Thanks for the continued link of friendship.
Sincerely,
Becky

Bob said...

Over the last few months I have come to the conclusion that maintaining a healthy state of mind is more important than being well physically. If I can feel OK about the bad things happening to me I can still have a good life. On the other hand, if I am physically well but feeling like the bottom has dropped out of my world ... there doesn't seem like much point to it all.
I've done a lot of hard thinking, meditation and other mental exercise and can honestly say that I have never felt better, even before I knew I had melanoma. If you want to know more you know where to find me :-)
I wish you all the best in your life. It sounds to me as though you'll figure it out just fine.

i2y

I'm Too Young For This!