If I sit here long enough, I know that everything is going to be okay. It always is. And when I'm still enough to listen to the part of me that knows that, I can kinda glimpse me in the future, already through all of this, already okay.Just seems like this week, all those things I use to help me get to that little place: boxing, dancing, playing guitar, drawing, sleeping, reading- I was either too busy to get to do them, or by the time I got to them it was just too late. Or maybe it wasn't too late, but things kept getting in the way. Conversation. Thoughts that didn't need to be there. Seems like even in those activities that get me away from every thing for a while, my restless mind won't let me be free. Not even for 45 minutes. That's not true, actually. I mean,
I get away, I find the quiet spot. But it is just so much harder to get there, and even harder to stay there.So I'm daydreaming now of vacation. Someplace warm and sunny. I turn off my phone, not read my email, not be constantly reminded of work and the TAKS test and stress and everything else. I go someplace where no one knows me and no one will try to make me talk about it. I'm somewhere alone where I can just sit in silence for 14 days. That would be heaven.
Even if this daydream is only 5 minutes, it, plus LOL cats and a delicious Hostess
cupcake are getting me through today.And probably tomorrow.
-MM
1 comment:
I hope you are at that place now, that stillness always guides us to, eventually.
My mind takes over, and then I notice it's my mind, and the thoughts are still there, but I know they aren't really mine...and then they float away without me really even noticing. I guess it's the "peace that passes understanding," that's a little ironic...
Anyways, bless you and I hope that is where you are, even though you already knew you would get there.
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