Wednesday, January 18, 2006

People like you are the reason I take pills

I have this habit- this terribly bad habit of dropping off the face of the earth when I don't feel so good.

The sad thing is, almost everyone has figured this out about me: my mom, my friends, even little Lizzy. So when I don't post, or don't answer calls, everyone freaks out, thinking I'm in the hospital or incapacitated or comatose or decapitated or bound and gagged or held hostage or tarred and feathered or brainwashed and enlisted in the militant Nazi branch of Al-Queda, or out adopting Cambodian babies.

Not to worry, friends, it's just me being me. And sickness and weakness have never been my strong points. It's hard to be on the phone with someone who is saying, What's up? How are you? And you just can't think of a single good thing to say. Not that there's not a good thing in my life, it's just when you're sick, and you all know what I mean, like sick like the worst hangover you've ever had, then its not about talking. It's just about being able to get from the bed to the couch and maybe eating some crackers. So try not to trip, and I'll try to make a promise to at least respond by email.
In other news, I've been corresponding with a melanoma patient in New Jersey that had the same diagnosis and underwent the same treatment as me. I found her through Cancer and it's been a real asset to be able to ask her all about what's coming up for me. She is awesome and has a really similar sense of humor, so we get along great, and I appreciate her insight into what's going on. She also makes me feel so normal for all the stuff I feel and go through, especially all the sleeping.
On the homefront, my room is getting built. We're taking pictures as we go so all of you can get a view of the transformation. So far it's just a little framing, but I'm excited.
So my friend Alicia from high school came into town, but I was so out of it from the chemo we didn't even really get to meet up. I'm bummed about it but hoping we can plan some kind of get together at some point.
This post is all over the board, but I'm trying to get it in before the Ativan takes over. Anyway, In Gilda's club last night, someone mentioned a cancer patient from group that had died, and when the other members read her obituary, they were amazed by the life she had led, the things she'd accomplished, and the people she'd touched. The people in the group never saw that side of her, they only saw and got to hear from her as a cancer patient. It's amazing to me how often that probably happens, that so many people in these hospitals or doctor's offices are seen as just sick people. The thought inspired me to tell all of you: when you see that sick person, or that person in a wheelchair, or on oxygen, or with a mask on, or whatever, just remember - That's a real person in there that had a life and friends and all of that stuff before they got sick. Being sick sucks, and it's amazing how just a simple smile or bit of conversation with a stranger can make you feel so normal. When you're told to stay out of public places in general, it just makes such a difference to be able to be a little social with strangers, even just to know you're still human and still sociable. Not sure if any of that makes sense to you, but it's like a crystal to me.

That's it for now, amigos. Stay on your toes, remember your blessings, and let's be safe out there.


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