Thursday, February 16, 2006
What be yee favorite roast beef sandwich establishment?
So, Valentine's day has passed. Bobby's birthday came and went. And basically, now I'm ready for one of my favorite holidays: St. Patrick's Day. I can't believe it's already been a year of living here in Texas. I dreaded moving back here, but at the time, I thought it was the smartest thing to do. And it was. There were times in the last year that I had questioned that decision, but now, looking back, I'm so glad I made it. It's wierd to me how things go. In San Diego, I worked so hard to try to get a better job, to make more money, to find roommates that I loved, to find someone that I clicked with and was good to me. Here, in this state I've never been too fond of, everything has fallen into place. But I miss my friends in San Diego still. If they were here, life would be perfect. But it's pretty damn close.
It's wierd how cancer has changed things. Today, I baked Bobby his birthday cake, even though his birthday was last Monday. But I was so tired and out of it, I didn't get around to it until today. It was good though, and he understoood, didn't even say a word. And who cares, really? There was a time in my life I would've freaked out about not having everything perfect for a certain day. But now, life is so much simpler, and I'm happier. Is that crazy? I'm actually happier now that I have cancer than I was when I was healthy. The details don't freak me out like they used to, and I've learned not to be so results-driven, so over-achieving, so crazy about everything being perfect. I make it a point to really relish what's going on in my day, whether it's just emailing friends or painting or walking the dog or even cleaning. I really love my life. Even gifts are different now. I used to make the biggest deal about having the perfect gift for a person on holidays like Valentines day. Now, I just want to spend time with them. That's what means more to me than anything. And if I do want to give them something, I've started making gifts for them. I ask the same from them- if you want to give me a present, give me something you took the time to put together yourself. Give me a piece of you that I'll always treasure. Those are the gifts that I treasure now, now that I've scaled down and gotten rid of tons of junk. Just think about it, the next time your buying gifts. You'd be surprised how much something like that means to someone.
Speaking of, and I know how gay this is, but I love my dog. Hennessee has been a lifesaver through this whole thing, and she is so attentive and sweet when I'm sick, it's not even funny. She also gives me a reason to walk around outside every day, and I honestly don't know if I'd take walks everyday if it wasn't for her. The sunshine does us both good, too, and I know it helps me make it through the dullest days.
The nineth of this month marked the halfway point for my chemo treatment. That means just six months left, people. I'm half way through! I can't believe it's true, but I'm so thankful. I'm already searching for jobs and getting my resume together for applications for the next school year. Some teachers I know in the area have been helping me put it all together, and I can't tell you how excited I am at the prospect of working with kids again. The thought is too exciting for words, and just being able to go back to work and be around people again is motivating in and of itself.
Not that these 6 months have been a complete waste. I"ve worked on myself a lot in this time, I've dedicated time to things I've never done before. I've learned to draw and paint,
done a lot of writing, worked on this webpage, promoted the cause, made videos, and learned a lot about life. It's crazy to say, but in so many ways having cancer has opened my eyes. It's made my life better and it's made the important things so much clearer.
Well, enough of my rants. I think that'll do it for now. I just wanted to put all of these random thoughts out there. Thanks for reading them, though.
Peace and love,