I like big bundts and I cannot lie

I read an article on blogs the other day. This was a pretty long article that said the best blogs are those with a specifically stated purpose and those that do not operate as a day-to-day journal. Journal blogs, I read, are typically pretty boring, and serve primarily a therapeutic purpose.

That makes me want to apologize for this blog- I know that those of you that check it are probably bored sometimes. It's worked well as a running record for the Interferon, for people who want a realistic view of what living on it is like. And I guess, because I've found a few people on the web that are going through treatment or have gone through it before, I see a benefit to journal type blogs, as I have a genuine interest in what's going on in their lives now. Seeing treatment from another person's perspective can totally change how you feel about your own experience. Sometimes its so easy to get wrapped up in your own existence, you forget how important it is to connect to the people around you that make dealing with things so much more bearable.

Speaking of bearable, it's finally cooled off here a bit. There was actually a nice breeze tonight when we took the dog out that was- get this- refreshing. That's right: a cool wind. The weather (how old am I, talking about the weather like this?) has been wild here this summer. Within the last 2 weeks, there were something like 7 record-breaking days of heat, all of them with a heat index of over 105, one day getting up to 111. Crazy. And Canada, despite the cold winters, is looking better all the time.

Saw the Derma yesterday, and got 2 moles removed. I'm glad- I'd rather have them in a jar than on my skin any time. The abrasion that I've had since the last derma appointment (3 months ago) still hasn't healed, but the docs insist that it's nothing to worry about. It's the 4th doctor I've asked about it, and I'm going to ask them to remove it again on the next visit, just for the simple fact that so many people with melanoma were seen numerous times for concerning spots that were misdiagnosed. We must be vigilant! It concerns me that so many of my moles are irregular- you know, they show the ABCD's of potentially dangerous moles. I mean, probably 50 of them have some of the signs of needing to be removed. I guess it's a slow process, having them checked and removed as needed, and I know I'll be having scans and skin checks every few months for the rest of my life. Whatever it takes to stay above ground.
The docs also said I need to be wearing sunscreen each and every day, even if I'm just walking to my car and then into work or the like. Good thing Booby likes the smell of coconuts.

Several people have written to ask how I REALLY feel about doing another month of chemo. I don't know what to say, really. One of my friends said, hey, don't you think it's better to do it now than have to do it again later? Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. The truth is, it's only another month. It's been more than a year of doing all this bs, and I don't think it's any secret I'm pretty tired of it. But I'm trying to see it as a stepping stone on the way to the rest of my life.
I don't think I realized it until yesterday at the derma appointment, but I am very fearful of a recurrence, and, I guess I realized in the doctor's office, I'm pretty much convinced it's inevitable. When the doctor walked out of the room and I left, I was sweating like crazy, like bad news was imminent. Leaving, I actually thought, Wow, that was a relief. In reality, people diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma get treatment all the time and live NED for years and years. I read their stories all the time, and try to post as many as possible just to remind everyone how it's not impossible. But this year, I've had very little decision-making power in what I want to do, and I guess that's what I miss the most: I miss the power to be able to decide what I"m going to do with my life. I miss knowing that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm just a normal person like everyone else. Even just a few months ago, I wanted to quit the chemo, but was talked out of it by my docs and friends. Had it been myway, I would've finished that month and that would've been it. But sometimes I guess we make sacrifices for the good of everyone, and, looking back, I guess that's what this is. I'm ready for it to be over, and it will be soon. It's really not as bad as it could be, and it's almost over.

I guess that's it for now. The job hunt continues, and I've made plans to meet up with some friends this weekend. Plans for the trip to San Diego in November are underway for my best friend's wedding. Exciting stuff coming up, friends. Be good and don't forget to say your prayers.

-Lori