Sunday, May 28, 2006

Ninja, Please

Well, it's a new week, and the good news is that it seems like the site is getting a little more play, and more play is better for just about anybody, I say. Those of you helping to keep my site numbers up are highly appreciated, and it seems to be paying off. Here's props to my peeps.
Word to your mamas.
On the health front, unpredictable stuff again and that means another chance to piss and moan. I'm trying, now that I only have 2 months left (I know, WTF, right?), to start a new habit of journaling when I'm feeling like this. It's been a rough day today, odd following a pretty good week: a lot of nausea, a little
fever, chestpains, shakiness, general malaise. Not so bad I can't get out of bed, so that's good. Not so bad I have to take a pain pill, so that's good, too.
Weird thing is, I was in the car today, letting my thoughts race, and I kept thinking about how, even after a year of this, it still seems so unreal. I still, to
this day, sometimes question if I'm really sick. Do I really have cancer? Is it as bad and as serious as they say? Will I have to take chemo? Maybe it's the low numbers, but I've been on chemo for 10 months now. 10 months and sometimes I just wonder if I'm faking it. Am I sick? If it weren't for the chemo, I don't even think I'd feel sick. So unreal. And yet, this is the strangeness of cancer. The strangeness of being young and feeling so bizarre being ill. I guess in some circles it could be called denial. I guess, but it's way too in my face to be that anymore. Seems so weird that after all this time I still can't control so much. Anyway.

Geez, I bet y'all get tired of hearing me whine. Speaking of wine...


So, I got an email a few days ago from a guy named Peter with his own blog
called the Interferon experience at interferonexp.blogspot.com. I want to encourage all of you to check it out, support a fellow survivor and blogger, as I think he could use some cheery words these days. Interferon can be quite a nasty old lady, and a few kind sentiments never hurt anybody.
On the upside, Bob Marley sang to me today, I got free pancakes, Bear's back home, and my family is healthy and well, so I can't really ask for too much more. Things could be alot worse, and I'm just gonna keep that in mind. Hope all of you are well, too.

Best,
MM

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow - I visited mpip this morning, as I do quite often, and read your post. I replied by the way.
It took me hear. I have read some of your comments in the last 10 months. I am happy you are almost finished. Reading all this reminded me why I chose no adjuvant. The odds didn't seem to stack up. Quality of life seemed more important than the 10% less recurrence that interferon was offering. I look forward to your comments post treatment. I will put this site in my favorites.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kid -- you have great spirit as you go about kicking MM's butt. Too bad you can't bottle it, there's a big market for it. I'm signing up to be in your corner in the battle.

All the best

Bill G from MPIP

Anonymous said...

Your new web site is AWESOME. I love it!! -Panda-

Stephanie said...

Your site made me laugh hard for the first time since being diagnosed about two weeks ago. You are a very talented writer. You are in the home stretch and have made it much farther than I could ever imagine making it and have done it with humor, style and grace. You will get through the next two months. Just remember that you only have to get through the day. At the end of the day, say to yourself, "I made it through one more day" and before you know it, this will all be over and you will be worried about the next big thing that comes along. Thank you for making me laugh! Keep up the good work.

Holly said...

I just finally finished reading "everythig up to now" .. Keep up the great site and FIGHT HARD!!

You only have 2 months left on Interferon ... you can do this!

Something I was wondering ... I know your not running now but have you thought about cycling???? You don't need a little toe to do it AND it is lower impact so your lymphodema might not be as bad ....

Email me and let's talk about it! We could find a ride and do it together! Melanoma Chicks on Bikes!

Anonymous said...

OMG... Your site is AMAZING!!

Nicely done -
I will resend it to reveryone to give them a reminder to check it out.

Lo - I think that you writing blogs when you are down - is exactly what you should do.

Get all of the Gunk off your chest and allow us (all of us) to experience this with you.

Reading your journals encourages me, imagine what it does for those going throught treatment.

Not too long ago it was three months- 2, come on thats nothing -

Okay it's going to be HELL, but YOU CAN DO IT (by the way that was suppossed to be read with a heavy german like accent.

Love ya -
mange -- Call me

i2y

I'm Too Young For This!