Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I'm what Willis was talkin' about
The big news is I'm getting my own place. I've been working the pole for a while and I'm now financially ok to move on and I'm ready and excited. I've been staying with a very good friend of mine up until now, but for a while I've thought I should be on my own, and creative differences (along with my meth lab) have brought us to this point, which I think we're all pleased about. And that leads me to my next point, in a very round about way.
When I was in the hospital, I read a bio on this girl with melanoma who said that one of the things she hated most about having it was the scar on her arm and how she felt she was continually discriminated against and judged for it. When I read it, I'll be honest with you, I thought the girl needed a good stiff, uh, drink (or poke). And I thought she was feeling sorry for herself. I'm not sure that I still don't believe that. This week, though, I've realized just how scared of cancer people really are. I guess I knew that before now. I mean, I was scared of my Dad's cancer. But still, somehow I'm surprised when people I've been friends with for years drop off the radar. So here's what I got for you, today: if you have melanoma, or any other cancer, for that matter, you're probably not going to feel any different from when you didn't have it. But having it means people will associate you with a very scary, very real disease. Different people will deal with that in different ways, meaning sometimes they'll distance themselves from you. Other people will drive you nuts trying to run your life because they don't know how to deal with not being able to control your illness. And you'll lose people. It hurts, but it happens.
If you know someone with cancer, just remember, they want to be treated just like you treated them before they had cancer. They don't want you to save them or to change them or fix everything. They just want their friend back.
I truly believe I've been chosen to have this disease. It's definately changed my life, and I'm not going to say I've enjoyed having diarrhea for the last 3 months, but I have learned more about life and enjoying it and valuing the little things than I ever could have without it. It has made me love my life and the people in it and I appreciate all I've learned from it. I'm high on life, people. And by life, of course, I mean glue. And I hope you are, too.